


push me, honey (we're next in line)

by stardots



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Filled with cliches, M/M, Rated M for language and themes, attempted humor, can get fluffy, some side ships if you squint - Freeform, yuta is the (un)helpful bestfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-17 04:23:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11843859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardots/pseuds/stardots
Summary: Johnny has heard that your twenties are your golden years. He entered them single, he is still single, so he prays to a Love God in hopes that it will change.He isn't so sure he would do it if he knew what mess that would bring beforehand.





	push me, honey (we're next in line)

**Author's Note:**

> my prompt:  
> person a prays to the love god for assistance in finding someone, and the love god decides to come help in physical form (with person a as johnny, jaehyun as the god)
> 
> I hope my prompter is happy with this mess of a fic, and even if I've complained about it a lot, it kind of is my big baby and I'm very attached to it orz

“I’m going to die alone,” Johnny moaned and stretched his arms over the table, having already given up on wrapping his mind around the concept of something his professor had assigned him. “All alone in my bed, with cold feet because I have no human foot warmer with me.”

“That’s a good way to go, no blanket hoggers or snores but your own,” Yuta remarked, reading the same sentence in his book over and over again, not really paying attention to the content. Johnny stared at his friend, who had completely forgotten that Johnny had zero to none experience “romantically” sharing a bed with anyone. He had with his friends sometimes in the past, but that had literally been the bed version of the ‘two bros chillin in a hottub’ vine.

“What if I  _ want _ that?” Yuta’s eyes widened slightly, returning to normal before he took a sip of the coffee-to-go he had bought earlier.

“Then you’re a crazy man, man.” 

“Crazy in love.” Johnny started making trumpet sounds with his lips, body rolling intensely in his chair. Yuta threw his highlighter at him.

“With who, Beyoncé or your right hand?” Yuta ignored his friend’s indignant squeak from getting hit with the stationery, and went back to his book.

“For your information,” Johnny started after waving an apology to the passing librarian, who was giving them distasteful looks. “I use my left.”

Unamused, still reading that one sentence, Yuta continued to ignore Johnny with fervor.

“But I’m serious, please give me some advice. You’ve dated lots of people!” Johnny whined when he didn’t get the attention he thought he deserved.

“You just have to be daring, I guess? Like, don’t think too much and just go, out in parenthesis, with it.” Shutting his book, Yuta decided to open his laptop instead (and would most likely end up playing minesweeper or a dressup game). Johnny mirrored his actions, deciding that checking his FarmVille after six years was more productive than studying. Apparently his uncle was still playing it, which was cool, kind of. Meant he could still get gifts in it.

“You know, I sometimes appreciate you speaking like you’re typing on the internet, but other times it’s just tacky.” They both gave each other looks, then snorted, even though it wasn’t even funny. Well, it was a little funny, considering everything could be funny if the fear of finals was creeping up on you. “But maybe I’m just too friendly, like that one person who always gets friendzoned or something.”

“Please don’t use that word,  _ ever _ , in my presence again.” Johnny just smiled. Yuta held up his other highlighter (the pink one) as a threat. He lowered it when his friend wouldn’t stop smiling like he had won the lottery, obviously waiting for something, so Yuta let out a defeated sigh. “This is gonna be a stupid idea, but I guess you’ll take anything at this point...”

Johnny’s eyes lit up, nodding eagerly, because what if Yuta was going to set him up on blind dates, or maybe bring him to group dates?

“I always go hiking, I’ve probably been to most of the mountains in the area.” Yuta grinned, proud of being sporty while Johnny just went jogging around a park every once in awhile. It was a habit he kept from when he used to do school sports back in America, so maybe going on a… group hiking date? Wouldn’t be too bad. “A bunch of the places have various shrines, and there’s this one just outside the city that belongs to a Love God.”

Johnny choked on his spit.

“What exactly,” Johnny wheezed out after getting himself together, staring at Yuta incredulously, “are you implying?”

“Put on your most comfortable shoes and hike a mountain.” Yuta grinned, a bit too excited. “Find a shrine and pray for love.”

This time, Yuta was left to apologize to the librarian after Johnny have him a good smack with his Korean language book.

— 

_ Desperate times calls for desperate measures _ , Johnny bitterly mused to himself.

When the weekend arrived Johnny followed Yuta’s advice and filled his backpack with snacks and a bottle of water, geared up his google maps app, and went looking for the shrine.

The sun was burning his shoulders through his t-shirt, but a breeze contrasted the heat making it all a little more manageable, and Johnny thanked the seasons it was still spring. He loved when warm and cool mixed together, making the weather bearable compared to the stinging heat of Korean summers. Cherry blossoms were in full bloom among various other trees, and he felt at peace as he blasted the newest Bleachers album through his earbuds.

It wasn’t surprising that the people he met on the trail were mostly teenagers, a few tourists and the occasional jogger. They were luckily on the way down so they wouldn’t see him, a grown-ass college student, praying to what was possibly some made-up deity. Johnny wondered if Yuta had paid his own little heed to the shrine while up there, hidden behind the agenda of “climbing all the mountains in the area”. Maybe the guy wanted a hiking friend, or something. 

The shrine wasn’t hidden between shrubs like Johnny had expected. It stood an a plateau, the surrounding flowers and trees seemingly taken good care of by either locals or a shrine keeper. Wooden pillars were filled with initials, carvings and hearts, some letters and prayers hung up on various branches in multiple colors in hope for luck in love. The fence keeping people from falling over the edge was decorated with a bunch of love locks, and Johnny wondered if he would put his own there some day if this “love god” actually helped him.

Johnny inspected the area a little more, taking a break on one of the benches and finishing off half his water bottle. It was kind of just to wait out the two girls who were currently praying inside the shrine, and he even took some pictures with his phone to seem touristy and not give away his true intentions for being at the site. He had no idea why he was so painfully embarrassed; the place was obviously visited by lonely single people a lot. It took a good quarter of an hour before they finally left, giggling and conversing excitedly about confessions they would go through with the following week.

Picking up his backpack, Johnny wandered into the main part of the shrine. It was an antique pavilion which had seen at least two centuries, if not more, but like the rest of the area it was well taken care of. A statue of a dog was placed inside it, probably the guardian of the god, flowers and other offerings lying at its feet. There was a fading odor of incense drifting through the air. Johnny gingerly picked out one of the sticks provided and lit his own. He was about to start praying when he realized he hadn’t exactly brought any gifts for the deity. Johnny rummaged through his bag and hoped they would be content with a pack of chips and a previously opened bottle of grape soda. It had been in his backpack for at least two weeks, so he hoped the god was okay with it.

After slightly opening the bag and bottle and placing them among the other offerings, Johnny clapped his hands and bowed his head. He hadn’t really thought about what words to jumble together to form his cry for help, so he settled for “I’m lonely and lovesick, but I fucking suck at love, please help my sorry ass”, and was content with that.

There was no swish of magic, or sparkles, glitters or warmth filling Johnny’s chest. It’s not like he was expecting any of that anyways. He was planning to go home, shower, eat dinner, sleep, and then give it around a month, while he struggled through his finals, and see if he suddenly knew how to flirt. Or maybe someone just as lonely as him would come around, knocking at his door and saying something like  _ ‘Hey, I’m your new neighbor!’ _ . Cue hopelessly romantic outings, flowers, gifts, all the jazz that came with being in a relationship.

He took a step back, opening his eyes to stare into the statue’s. 

“You better help me, dude.” Chuckling a little to himself, Johnny ventured out of the pavilion and scent of lavender to take in the area again.

For some reason, he had a good feeling about the entire visit. Even if he wouldn’t magically become a Don Juan, and ignored the possibility that the god was a big hoax, he now believed that in the end, things would work out. Maybe it was the twinge of hope he got from seeing more people who was looking for love, and seeing signs of those who had found it.

He remained cheerful on the trek back down.

— 

The first week he kept thinking back to his visit to the shrine, but it soon left his mind as the end of the term steadily approached.

“Summer lovin’, happened so fast,” Johnny sang under his breath at the end of May while studying for his upcoming literature final (read: failure), hoping Grease wouldn’t let him down and a summer love would indeed happen fast.

— 

More than a month after the shrine visit, love still hadn’t come knocking on Johnny’s door. Not that he had time to think about it either, with all the end of term work and finals-studying that had piled up on his (dead) body.

Johnny had just gotten out of a rather late finals prep (he was sure the professor hated them and wanted them all to fail), finals week being just a few days away. Not wanting to cry himself to sleep yet another night, Johnny had actually paid attention and noted down all the topics that could possibly come up in the final. He was going to pass. He  _ had _ to.

When afternoon came around, so did a rainshower, and Johnny had luckily brought along an umbrella that morning before heading out. The grey clouds hanging over the city hadn’t looked too promising. He considered stopping by the supermarket on his the way so he didn’t have to tackle the weather later, but his bookbag was kind of heavy, so he decided against it and went straight home.

Johnny wondered if he should bother Yuta or some of his other friends, possibly host an impromptu movie night. He wanted to catch up on some movies he hadn’t caught in the cinema because school had taken up all his time, and what better way was there to enjoy them than downloading them illegally? Unless they were out on a streaming site and some charitable soul had an account to lend to a few poor university students.

Not too far from his destination, Johnny was held up by an unusual sight. Beneath what seemed to be an abandoned screen to cover a food stall (the business might’ve been doing well, causing the owner to leave the poor thing for a bigger, better screen), stood a dog. The creature wasn’t shivering or anything, and neither did it look too thin or sick upon closer inspection. 

“Hey little buddy!” Johnny crouched down, holding out his hand so the dog could take a whiff, but it immediately licked his palm. Laughing, Johnny took it as a sign to ruffle the dog’s head, petting it playfully behind the ears in a manner that had it wagging its tail excitedly. “What are you doing out in the rain?”

The animal only stared at Johnny, almost expectantly, and let out a woof. Johnny noticed it didn’t have a collar, and frowned, but guessed it would be found by rescuers at some point soon. His apartment had a strict no-pets policy, so he sadly couldn’t take it in himself.

Johnny played some more with the dog before he decided to head home and get some dinner going, kind of tired after a long day of classes and finals-anxieties. He bid the dog goodbye, stood up and walked down the few blocks remaining on his walk to his apartment building.

Unbeknownst to him, trailing just behind him was the dog, close enough to gain some shelter from the umbrella. Johnny didn’t notice the animal until he was punching in the code to the main entrance, when it suddenly stood by his feet, running inside as soon as the door swung open. Johnny could only watch in panic as it made its way through the lobby.

But there was no one in sight. Somewhat relieved, he considered his options and quickly came to conclude that what the management didn’t know didn’t hurt them (or him). He might as well just take care of the thing until the rain let up, right?

Discreetly, Johnny picked up the fur ball and hid it inside his hoodie (which there really was no point in doing considering the CCTV would already have caught the animal on tape). Trying to seem as cool and collected as he could, he made his way up the stairs to his floor with little struggle from his canine visitor, luckily avoiding meeting any of the other tenants.

Once safe in the confines of his studio flat, Johnny let the dog out of hiding. It let out an excited bark and adorably ran in a circle around its own orbit. Johnny couldn’t help himself; he had to pet it some more. Which he did. Until his stomach grumbled.

Ah, right. He was going to make  _ dinner _ .

With this objective in mind, Johnny (with much sadness since the petting session was over) went over to his bed and threw his book bag towards it (and regretted the action right after when it landed on the floor with a heavy thud—he  _ really _ didn’t want any complaints from the tenants below him, and his  _ computer  _ was in there damn it). He pulled off his hoodie which had gotten a little damp in the rain and took of his t-shirt as well for good measure, as getting sick now would really fuck up his finals week. He quickly put on a new, dry one (he thought it was from the clean pile, but he wasn’t entirely sure), trying to remember if he had enough ingredients to whip up a decent meal.

He turned around, and  _ screamed. _

Standing by his door, was an extremely, thoroughly, butt-naked dude. No dog. Where was the  _ dog?!  _ How had this guy broken into his home--and  _ where did the poor fucking dog go?!  _ Did he kill it? Did he eat it for its powers of cuteness  _ oh god no please say the dog was still alive in there maybe he could get a kitchen knife and carve the poor thing out of the intruding murderer’s belly please please be ok  _ (Johnny was nearly reduced to tears by then, the dog had literally changed his life from the depressed dark hell exam stress pushes you into and this whole thing could possibly just be a part of his own deranged imagination).

The nudist grinned, showing off some incredibly charming dimples, puffing out his really well-formed chest and  _ oh my God he’s hung- LOOK UP AND AWAY FROM THAT AREA JOHNNY SUH. _

“Sorry it took a while, had a lady who didn’t know how to propose to her girlfriend, so I had to deal with that first.” The possibly- _ probably _ -dog-murderer spoke, his voice dripping with velvet-laced honey, and Johnny wondered if he was still at the university and had just fallen asleep during his lecture. “Hey, are you listening?”

“Dog.”

The nudist-criminal-dog-killer sighed, still very naked, and Johnny had to hurry and wake himself up so he didn’t have a wet dream in the middle of class. The whole scenario seemed to be taken out of the beginning of a bad porn movie, Johnny pointed to the stranger’s feet, where the dog previously had been.

“ _ Dog! _ ”

“Yes, I am the dog. I am also the god you prayed to a few weeks ago, saying you don’t know shit about love but are heavily lovesick.” The guy raised his eyebrows, a small smile tugging at his lips. “That was you, right?”

Johnny woke up from his stupor, suddenly no longer caring about the nudity in his home. Was this person legit? One: Johnny was sure he was the only one at the shrine at that time. Two: he had said his prayer in his head. Three: the assumed dog-form of the current human looked way too similar to the statue at the shrine. Four: this entire situation was so fucking weird.

"Wait, aren't you supposed to be a woman? Like, I don't know. Aphrodite, Venus, kind of love god?"

"Aphrodite and Venus are the same person, dumbass. And you're Korean, they're Greek and Roman. No wonder you need help." He muffled the last part under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest. Johnny still heard it, letting out an indignant squeak. “And just because our human forms have different sexes that doesn’t mean we don’t do the same work.”

“I wouldn’t know, I was into that Norse mythology and shit,” Johnny confessed sheepishly. “So. Freya, my man—”

Interrupting Johnny’s finger-gunning with a raised hand, the stranger introduced himself, “It’s Jaehyun, actually.”

“Oh.” Johnny paused, letting his hands drop to his sides. “Jaehyun, then. God of Love.”

“And you are Johnny, walking human dumpster-fire.”

Johnny simply shrugged. “Well...  _ yeah _ . More or less.”

Jaehyun hummed, squinting his eyes slightly. “You’re awfully calm about this, suddenly.”

“To be honest, I’m still not convinced this isn’t all an exam-induced wet fantasy of mine.” The confession hung in the air, and Jaehyun seemed appalled, but also like his ego had just been fed a three-course meal.

“I’m flattered, but yeah, no. This is real.”

Johnny took the few steps that lead him to stand in front of Jaehyun, leaning forward, Jaehyun leaning backwards to avoid having his personal space be invaded. They stared at each other in silence for a little while, until Johnny, faster than lightning, took a hold of Jaehyun’s cheeks

“Hey!” Jaehyun, sputtering, tried to wiggle out of the hold. 

“Huh.” Johnny mused, pressing the guy’s cheeks together, making him look like a fish. “You feel real.”

Jaehyun, finally getting out of his shock, swatted Johnny’s hands away. “Yeah, good that’s cleared up,” he grumbled. “Anyway. I’m the love god you prayed to at my shrine— you asked for help, and now, here I am.”

“Wow.”

“Of course, my services are very requested. My shrine is beyond popular, I’m a busy deity. You might wonder, ‘oh, Jaehyun, almighty and powerful God of Love, why did you chose little, poor, unworthy me to be subjected to your awesomeness?’ And the reason, dear worshipper, is—” he pulled something literally out of his ass, “THIS.”

In his hand was a stale potato chip and a small vial of murky looking… grape soda?

“ _ Wow.”  _ Johnny gaped, eyes wide, wondering if he should start keeping an eye on all his beverages because _ someone _ must’ve put something in his drink. Wait, the brownie he had for lunch.  _ Pot brownie?!  _ “Did you just… pull that out of your ass?”

“What?  _ No!  _ I have perfected this speech since before I started school—”

“No no, the  _ things _ .”

“Ah. yeah, no, I have this ability to kinda...poof things from my shrine into existence wherever I happen to be in the world.”

“ _ Damn _ .” Johnny really wished he could do that with all the stuff in his apartment, that would have saved him from a lot of stress and lame dog-ate-my-assignments excuses. It momentarily made him forget that a literal  _ deity _ was standing butt naked in his home.

“How do you make this?” Jaehyun asked intensely, pushing the items into Johnny’s face. “Teach me. Show me.”

Johnny swallowed. “Potato chips?”

“I have never tasted anything like this! It’s kind of just plain potato, but the addition of the spices is genius!” Johnny eyed the snack basket on top of his fridge carefully, filled to the brim with packets of various chips he bought in bulk during a sale. “And this juice has a really unique flavor, kinda. It fizzles on your tongue! Brew some more for me!”

“Yeah, about that…” Johnny started, wondering how to explain to the deity the wonders of food corporations, vending machines and convenience stores, but Jaehyun gave a pointed look, expectant. “...I have some in my fridge right now, actually!”

“Great!”

Pretty intimidated by the pretty god, Johnny sauntered over to his fridge to retrieve a can of grape fanta, fixing a bowl of chips while he was at it. When he turned back around, Jaehyun was sitting on the floor in front of his coffee table.

“So… Do deities wear, I don’t know, clothes? Or are you all secret members of a nudist colony.”

“Oh!” Jaehyun seemed to come to a realisation, gauging from the sheepish expression on his face. “Yeah, sorry, my bad. My dog form doesn’t really allow for wearing anything."

With another wave of his hand, Jaehyun materialised a plain, white jumper and black jeans and briefs. Johnny tried not to stare too much while the deity while he slipped the underwear over his hips and wiggled into his  _ aren’t-those-illegally-tight _ jeans. A small part of him (which he ignored) was actually disappointed when most of the love god disappeared under the layers, but on the other hand having a conversation with a clothed deity was probably not as uncomfortable as talking to a butt naked one. Probably.

“Quick question,” Johnny started as he placed the bowl of chips and the cup of soda onto the table in front of Jaehyun.  “Does cupid pull his arrows out of his ass too?”

“Cupid _ s _ , you mean. Plural.” Jaehyun explained, happily munching away on the presented snacks. “Cupid is an occupation. You need to be licenced and shit.”

“What...really?”

Jaehyun, being too busy indulging himself in his new favorite human-made treats, didn’t feel like explaining any further. He scarfed down another handful of chips before he turned to look at Johnny. “Okay, I think this is acceptable payment for my services. Let’s start talking terms.” He looks around. “So, first off. Where do I sleep?”

“You’re staying  _ here _ .” In disbelief, Johnny threw out the statement, looking at Jaehyun like he had grown another head (considering everything that had happened the past hour, that wouldn’t seem impossible).

“I already said I would.”

“ _ Bro. _ You’ve seen this place. I don’t really have space for a— how long are you staying anyway?”

“As long as it takes to get you some loving, ‘my man’.” Jaehyun, mirroring Johnny’s actions from before, shot finger guns with a shit-eating grin. “Let me get back to my speech.” He cleared his throat. “I, Jaehyun, God of Love, have decided to answer your prayer. In exchange for your offerings, I’ll help your sorry ass succeed in finding love so that you won’t be lonely anymore!”

Hopeful, Johnny stared in awe. “Will you get me out of the friendzone?”

“That’s not a fucking thing. Don’t use that word around me.  _ Ever _ .” 

“Ok, ok, chill.” Johnny held his hands up in defeat, Jaehyun’s glare immediately turning into a pleasant beam. “Ok. Let’s do this. I’m in your hands. Not literally. But yes, please help me.”

“Great. So, sleeping arrangements?” Jaehyun’s eyes flitted to Johnny’s bed, and the latter was sure they couldn’t fit in it together. The god was  _ kind of  _ tall, and Johnny was tall. He quickly figured out a solution, though. 

“I think I have Yuta’s old futon rolled away somewhere.” Johnny mumbled, bending down to look underneath his bed, which conveniently was a storage, too.

“Perfect! Then I can have the bed all for myself.”

That was not the solution.

Johnny would protest, but at the moment he didn’t want to risk angering the love god in case he re-decided helping him and just quietly watched the deity slump down on his bed.

— 

“Hey Johnny, I do have a question for you, too.” Jaehyun exclaimed later that night, smiling down at Johnny who laid sprawled onto the futon while staring up at the ceiling. A sort of childish wonderment was plastered onto the god’s features. “Many people keep praying for me to successfully ‘netflix and chill’, what is that?”

“Oh boy.”

— 

Finals week rolled around on Monday, and Johnny resumed crying himself to sleep at night. Luckily, Jaehyun wasn’t much of a nuisance when he was studying, which Johnny appreciated. Whenever he took a break, though, Jaehyun would be trailing behind him, asking him if he had asked anyone out yet. The answer was always no.

(“You choose a terrible time to help me out.” Johnny deadpanned as he furiously skimmed through an Ibsen piece he had neglected the entire semester, Jaehyun just shrugging and continuing to binge watch drama reruns.)

One thing Johnny appreciated, besides having something soothing to lay his eyes on every once in awhile, was that Jaehyun could cook. He had expected to live on ramen and convenience store kimbap during hell week, but when he woke up in the morning it would be to freshly boiled rice and whatever Jaehyun managed to salvage from the fridge. When he came back from his finals, he would put away groceries Jaehyun nagged for him to buy, then promptly fall to his bed (the futon on the floor, he thought he broke his wrist the first time he jumped onto it) and sleep for a few hours. Waking up again, Jaehyun would’ve made a decent dinner that they would eat while watching whatever show Jaehyun had gotten obsessed with during the day (so far it had been Adventure Time, Breaking Bad, and an Australian soap opera).

Jaehyun had also stumbled upon how it’s made videos when Johnny introduced him to YouTube, and had thrown a fit when he figured out Johnny had in fact  _ not  _ made the chips and soda he had offered to Jaehyun at the shrine. He soon got over it though, as he realized he could just make Johnny buy unhealthy amounts of it for him at the grocery store. Johnny’s fridge had become 50% grape soda, and he now had an entire cabinet reserved for Jaehyun’s favorite chips.

The day before the last final, Johnny ventured into the coffee shop on campus where Yuta worked. They were going to study together, as the place would pretty much be a deadzone. It was packed, but quiet, besides every other person who was mumbling to themselves in despair. The only thing that could disturb Yuta while studying would be the occasional soul begging for a refill and paying with change they had scraped from their wallets, and then returning to having an existential crisis while going over the semester’s curriculum.

“I still don’t get why you decided to take shifts during finals,” Johnny commented after a few hours of silence, taking a well deserved break. Yuta shrugged, closing his notebook.

“My parents bought my sister a new laptop for when she starts university, so they couldn’t afford tickets home for me,” he explained, smiling. “I say a lot of shit about them, but I do miss my family.”

Johnny hummed, completely understanding what that felt like. They had bonded over the fact that the both of them were foreigners, and remained close even with their differences. Yuta smiled, Johnny returning it, a calmness settling over them as they forgot the materials sprawled messily over their table for a moment.

“You never did tell me if the shrine worked for you, though,” Yuta pointed out once they realized they were being a little too soft, the mood surrounding them borderlining cheesy. 

“Ah, yeah.  _ That _ .” Fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt, Johnny felt a sheepish expression take over his face. How exactly he could explain the entire situation without sounding like an absolute lunatic was beyond him. “So. I kinda have this… dude staying at my place.”

Yuta was surprised at the reveal, to say the least, leaning towards Johnny curiously. “Did the shrine actually work?”

“No! Well,  _ yes _ . But it’s not... it’s like,” he took a deep breath, just deciding it was now or never. “The dude is a dog, ok! Like, a dog, and a dude,  _ in one _ .”

Yuta's eyes widened comically, before his face zeroed out and changed into an expression of pity. He brought Johnny in for a hug, rubbing comforting circles onto his back. “Exams really got to your head, didn’t they?”

Johnny pulled away from the embrace, “That’s what I thought, too,” he sighed, wondering if Yuta would ever believe him. “But the god from the shrine decided to come and live with me until I get a hand holding kink. Like, that dog statute there? A dog  _ just like it  _ followed me home, and I took it in, and a moment later there was this naked guy telling me he was a love god.”

Yuta paused for a good minute, and then he spoke, the volume of his voice dropping significantly. “I believe you.”

“I know you don’t— wait, what?” Johnny was bewildered, but Yuta just gave a serious stare. “Elaborate right now, Nakamoto.”

“Well, remember that one time I went to China for that study trip last semester?” Johnny nodded. “Jokes on me I guess, I left a prayer at a shrine belonging to a God of Fortune, wishing I could get some more cash to actually live, you know?”

Johnny nodded again, and Yuta bit his lip.

“There’s this…  _ guy _ , who’s started frequenting this place, and fuck, he always leaves a  _ shittonne _ of tips.” Yuta held his arms out to show just how much, and Johnny felt his jaw loosen slightly because  _ damn. _ “I asked my coworkers if they had experienced something similar, and except for one of them having a sugar daddy, none of them did.” He lowered his voice even more, and Johnny had to lean forward to actually hear him. “He’s too handsome— no,  _ beautiful, _ to be real, and he’s fucking  _ Chinese _ .”

“Could be a coincidence?” Johnny tried, because it looked like finals had gotten to Yuta more so than himself.

“No, dude, literally the only Korean he knows is ‘one coffee, please’ and—” Yuta whimpered, “— ‘ _ keep the change _ ’.”

“So, you’ve attempted to hold a conversation with this guy?” 

“Yes, but he just gives me this adorable smile and nods and holds out a fucking 10k won bill and gives it to me and smiles more and he doesn’t even have a  _ wallet  _ and he just makes it appear out of thin air and…  _ and _ .” 

Johnny let out a low whistle, watching Yuta heave for air after his ramble. “Well, ask for his number.”

Yuta gasped, appalled. “I can’t do that! Like, I know I’m handsome as hell, but he’s fucking out of my league.” He sighed, continuing, “Besides, if he’s actually a deity, what makes you think he has a phone?”

“Mine does.” Johnny grinned, taking out his own. “Ah, and he texted me.”

Yuta leaned over the table. “Lemme see.”

**jaehyun:** when do u cum home :3   
**jaehyun:** when shud i make u dinner xD

“Bro, why don’t you just date that god since he _ cooks _ for you?” Yuta raised an eyebrow after peeking at the screen, ignoring Johnny’s blubbering. “And his texting style is… interesting.”

“First of all, Jaehyun is cute and all but he’s… there’s no way.” Johnny grumbled, although a little sad, because Jaehyun was  _ definitely  _ a catch. “And I got used to it, his modernism course isn’t exactly up to date.”

“His  _ what  _ now?”

“Don’t ask, I really don’t know either.” Johnny replied to Jaehyun’s message with an estimate of when he would return, pocketing his phone again to avoid any further distractions (like the notification on one of the games he was currently addicted to). “I don’t understand how he will help me though, because once summer hits I never really go out, since everyone I know goes home.” 

“Why don’t you go home too, then?”

Johnny stared at Yuta for a while, processing the suggestion. His last trip home had been around a year ago, and he was(n’t completely) sure he had enough money for a roundtrip ticket. At home, he would also just mostly spend his time inside or in the yard, but perhaps he just had to return to his roots of freedom (he imagined a bald eagle spreading its wings behind him for dramatic effect) and then maybe, just maybe, he would be comfortable enough to ask people out and flirt without failing. 

“Fuck, thank you.”

Johnny packed up his things, Yuta left in the remaining mess, confused but at the same time not. The tall man (with kind of a plan) waved goodbye to his friend and left the shop, strides long and quick as he hurried home.

— 

“We’re moving grounds,” Johnny exclaimed once he entered his apartment, Jaehyun looking away from whatever he was watching on the TV to give Johnny an unamused stare. Johnny was panting, having speed walked all the way from the café just to tell the god about his idea. “You and I, are going to the States.”

“Wait, hold up, when did  _ I  _ ever agree to this?!” Jaehyun shouted, swinging his arms around in attempted angry movements. “I can’t just leave Korea, I’m a  _ Korean _ deity!”

“I’m sure there’s someone who can step in for you while you’re gone.” Johnny encouraged, Jaehyun continuing to grumble and throw curses at the tall noodle under his breath. “Besides, I am your job, am I not?”

“I’ve heard some bad things about America…” Jaehyun sighed, defeated, because Johnny was absolutely right about the job part. “Hell, they have  _ zombies _ there! Have you not seen The Walking Dead?”

“Jaehyun, that’s a TV series.”

“The TV shows happenings around the globe!”

“That’s the  _ news _ , The Walking Dead is fictional.”

Jaehyun opened his mouth, but closed it shortly after. “It’s not… real.” 

Johnny shook his head in affirmation, “Not that Australian soap opera either.”

“The Iron Throne was never sat upon. Dragons never flew over these lands.”

“Yeah, uh, Game of Thrones isn’t the real history of the world.” Johnny carefully stepped closer, wary of the seemingly existential crisis Jaehyun was having. “Don’t you guys, like, know all history in God World?”

Jaehyun pouted, then gave a glare while chiding Johnny for giving his realm such a tacky name. “I was a Modern Love major,” he muttered. “I don’t give a flying fuck about human history, but since it’s not like in Game of Thrones I really don’t care to learn about it anyways.”

Johnny chuckled, ruffling Jaehyun’s hair affectionately, causing Jaehyun’s glare to deepen. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Well, you believe in me so that’s why I’m here.” Jaehyun commented, face bright and cheery again because gods  _ did _ feed off the energy from humans believing in them (“Leech.” Johnny muttered, only to be smacked in the face with an empty soda bottle).

“So if I go all emo and shit, convinced I’ll never find love, you’ll disappear?” Johnny was only joking, but he regretted it when he saw how sullen Jaehyun looked at the remark. “I mean, hypothetically.”

“Well, I guess?” Jaehyun pouted, not seeming to like the idea a whole lot. “This is my first time actually directly interacting with the person I’m helping. I’d like for it to end well…”

“Ah.” Johnny stilled, processing the information, then he felt stupid. “I really seemed that hopeless when I prayed to you, huh?”

“Yup.” Jaehyun grinned. “It’s normal for people to have zero experience until they’re older, but  _ damn _ , you give an effort, and even if you’re chatting up someone shitfaced they won’t kiss you, just throw up on your shoes.”

“How the fuck do you know about that?!”

Jaehyun held up a peace sign. “Background check.”

Johnny ignored Jaehyun’s giggles, removing his laptop from his bag so he could order the plane tickets. Doing a quick check of his bank account, he realized he did in fact  _ not _ have enough cash for a plane ticket, and regret his decision to eat healthy for an entire semester.

“I’m making pasta,” Jaehyun stated, turning up the volume of the TV so he could pay attention from the kitchen area (it was only a couple metres away so Johnny didn’t get why he did that). Johnny hummed, kind of crying inside, because the money spent on the pasta could’ve taken him home.

At this point in life, he had become a master of searching for cheap tickets for literally anything. He didn’t want to rot away in Seoul the entire summer, so he impromptu planned a trip to Busan instead of the land of the free. 

“We’re going to Busan instead, Jae, I’m poor,” Johnny informed him, to which Jaehyun just shot a thumbs up, but then backtracked.

“There are _zombies_ _on the train_ —” 

“It’s a movie!”

“Ah, right.”

Johnny ducked his head to hide his amused smile, but soon bit his lip in worry as he saw that he couldn’t afford a ticket for Jaehyun. He completely forgot to calculate that until Jaehyun asked if he wanted tomato or cream sauce. He was going to question the possibility of Jaehyun being able to poof himself to Busan, until he realized another perk to the god.

Grinning to himself, Johnny choose the train departing at a decent time, clicking through all the information and proceeded to the check-out.

“And…” A few more clicks, and his insides churned at how empty his bank account felt, but he could mope about that fact later. Jaehyun wandered over to the coffee table, peeking over Johnny’s shoulder.  “Ticket is bought!” Johnny cheered, holding up his hand for a high-five Jaehyun didn’t give him.

“You said that in singular form.” Jaehyun kind of asked, kind of stated, giving Johnny a worried stare. “Why?”

“Yeah about that,” Johnny smirked, for once having the upperhand in his banter with the deity. “You’re going as a dog.”

—

Fortunately, quite literally, for Jaehyun, he knew a god of fortune who could spare him a little cash to get a human ticket (“First class,” Jaehyun waved the ticket in front of Johnny’s face after they had printed it out. “Have fun enjoying the view of my ass from economy, Jonathan.”). Johnny had a hunch about exactly who this god was, but he decided to ask about that later. He had his own problems to deal with at the moment, Yuta’s could wait.

The two of them found themselves standing in one of the many convenience stores the station provided, hoarding snacks for the train. Johnny was trying his best to stop Jaehyun from buying ten bottles of soda, but the other was stubborn.

“The ride is literally three hours, you only need one or two.” Johnny snorted, watching Jaehyun struggling to hold all the bottles in his arms.

“What if they _don’t_ have  grape flavored soda in Busan, though!”

“They  _ do _ .”

After a little more struggling and arguing back and forth, Johnny managed to convince Jaehyun to just get two bottles (“You have two bottle pockets on your backpack, you can’t fit more.”). Since they had arrived rather early, they decided to spend some time wandering around the various shops the station provided.

They stopped at a Starbucks to get overpriced coffee (Jaehyun wanted a real americano, not just some convenience store shit (Johnny cried when he swiped his card for the both of them)), and then found solitude in a bookstore. Johnny left Jaehyun to his own devices as he himself went to look for hidden gems among best sellers. 

He was reading the back of what seemed to be quite an interesting novel, when Jaehyun grabbed his arm, shaking it excitedly. Turning around, Johnny was met with wide, sparkling eyes and a huge grin.

“Dude,” Jaehyun whisper-yelled, looking like he had found the eighth wonder of the world. He promptly shoved a pocket into Johnny’s hands, crossing his arms and puffing out his chest proudly. “ _ This _ will solve all your problems.”

“Uh,” Johnny studied the cover, inwardly cringing at the bold printed  _ ‘ _ New York Times Bestseller _ ’ _ (he was kind of a book elitist), and then almost choking on his breath as he read  _ ‘ _ Greatest love story of this decade _ ’ _ . He had heard about this book, and knew exactly what happened. “ _ Jaehyun _ .”

Jaehyun hummed, still all smiles, not understanding why Johnny was frowning.

“The love interest dies at the end of this.” Johnny explained, and the deity’s mouth formed a perfect ‘o’ shape. “And it’s full of unnecessary drama.”

“Then, try this one!” Jaehyun held up yet another book, two men holding hands on the cover. Johnny read the back of it, furrowing his eyebrows because he was pretty open about swinging all kinds of ways, and nor did he live on a farm like one of the main characters did. It touched subjects like homophobia, which was interesting enough, but the general plot didn’t seem like Johnny’s cup of tea. 

“I think I’ll pass.”

“But if you want to understand love, you have to study it!” Jaehyun proclaimed, huffing at Johnny being indignant to his suggestions and pointing out the crime novel Johnny had been looking at. “Do you think I became a Love God out of the blue? I have a  _ degree _ .”

“Did your curriculum include reading overrated romance novels filled with overused clichés?” Taking the books out of Jaehyun’s hold to put them away, Johnny chuckled a little to himself, which earned him a smack from Jaehyun.

“We’re taught how love can appear in different scenarios, and be both good and bad, so we know how to deal with everyone who seeks our help.” The deity stalked after Johnny, and watched him get rid of the books with a pout. “I had to watch a bunch of movies for my modernism course that I took recently, and I learned so much from them! Like The Notebook.”

Johnny froze, and then squinted at Jaehyun. “ _ The Notebook _ .”

“What is it, now?” Jaehyun squinted back, and then realized he had a new mission. “You haven’t seen it?”

Johnny shook his head, and Jaehyun slung one of his arms around the taller man’s shoulder.

“Then, that’s your homework! I won’t help you until you’ve watched it.”

“Fine.” Giving in, Johnny sighed, but let a smile grace his lips as Jaehyun seemed to be rather cheerful about the thought of watching it again. “May I ask, oh deity of love, why you’re recommending it?”

Jaehyun grinned, “I wrote a thesis on it!”

The rest of the time until departure, Johnny questioned exactly how god school worked, and how many theses and courses Jaehyun had completed. He had graduated two years ago (“So like, you just took over the shrine?” “Well yeah, the previous god was gonna have a kid and went on maternity leave.”), and Johnny found out that completing god school took way shorter time than human school. Jaehyun had done modern communication as an extra curricular in 2012, which explained his weird Internet lingo.

They were in a deep conversation about the new rules of texting (“Barely anyone uses ex dee nowadays.” “But it’s cute!”), when they were separated by rows upon rows of rather decent seats.

Johnny plugged in his earphones, putting on his favorite playlist and hoped to catch at least a little sleep. Before he put it away, his phone buzzed with a message from Jaehyun, reading “hav3 a niz rid3 ^.^v”. 

Smiling to himself, Johnny shot a sunglasses-emoji back, closed his eyes and thought about taco bell.

— 

Busan was beautiful, and Johnny wondered why he hadn’t visited the city before. The ocean breeze was nice, even if the heat of summer was unbearable, but it was totally worth it when they could gaze upon infinite crystal blue. 

After getting out of the station, they had found a cheap, but decent, restaurant where they could taste local seafood, none of them uttering a single word during the meal because it was just too delicious. Finding their way to the airbnb they were staying at was easy, too, as it was located not too far away from the train station.

Jaehyun was apparently motion sick after the train ride, so the evening was spent inside (Johnny had a hunch Jaehyun just wanted to catch the newest episode of the ongoing drama he was watching), exploring the nooks and crannies of the apartment. Jaehyun grew attached to a gigantic Sanrio plushie they had found in one of the closets, while Johnny found a small one he cuddled close while they watched TV. For once, Johnny actually paid attention to whatever Jaehyun was obsessed with. He was getting really into the on-screen confrontation, until he noticed that his phone screen lit up. Grabbing it from the armrest, Johnny saw he had gotten some messages from the person they rented the place from.

“Hey, Jae?”

Jaehyun hummed, acknowledging that he was listening.

“The airbnb guy asked if we want him to show us around tomorrow.” Jaehyun hummed again, and then he whipped his head around so quick Johnny thought his neck snapped. 

“Is he cute?” He crawled over to where Johnny was sitting, leaning over so he could look at his phone.

“Well, I guess?” Honestly speaking, he was, at least the half of his face that was in his display picture.

Jaehyun nodded eagerly, “Approved, tell him that we wanna meet up.” The deity ordered, smiling evilly to himself. He was planning something, and Johnny didn’t like it. “What’s his name?”

“Hansol.” Johnny replied while typing up a message to Hansol, who was still online. They set up a time, and Hansol would come and pick them up for breakfast, and from there on he would show them around his hometown.

“Finally, the day has come,” Jaehyun wiped away some fake tears, the drama on the TV completely forgotten. “I can’t believe I’ll be chaperoning you on your first date!”

Johnny snorted, “Uh, I don’t think this is a date.” Finalizing the plans, he put away his phone, turning his attention back to Jaehyun. “And besides, he’s taking  _ us _ around, and he’s probably not even single.”

“Be that way, party pooper.” Pouting, Jaehyun wrapped himself around the big plushie, and Johnny almost cooed at the sight. “I’m never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, I’m gonna get you into his pants.”

“Did you just fucking—”

“The Rick Roll is a  _ classic,  _ excuse you!”

When bedtime came around, the sleeping arrangements weren’t hard to agree on, as the housing provided two beds. They played RPS to find out who should shower first, and even if Johnny was the one who won, Jaehyun tripped him and ran into the bathroom first. Other than that, the first night in Busan went well, and so would the following days.

Hansol was an absolute angel, even treating Johnny and Jaehyun to food as he thought it was only right, considering he was older than the two of them (“How old are you, really?” Johnny had asked Jaehyun, suddenly questioning if he had a minor on his hands. Turns out he was twenty-one, and Johnny let out a relieved sigh.). The display picture hadn’t lied either, the local certainly was a sight to rest one’s eyes on.

The fact only fueled Jaehyun more, who kept wiggling his eyebrows and being suggestive about his idea that Johnny and Hansol should Marvin Gaye And Get It On. It got to the point that whenever Hansol would share some of his interests or foods he liked, Jaehyun would go “Johnny does that, too!” or “Oh, that’s Johnny’s favorite!” (“I really don’t like—” “Well, now you do, you need to have things in common with lover boy.”). Hansol would always light up at that, and talk more, which was a little contrasting to the quiet demeanor he showed when they first met.

The local ended up tagging along every single day, as he had the same issue as Johnny; most of his friends had went on vacation, or was busy with work. Johnny was pretty sure he had a crush, and Hansol really fit his mold of a dream boyfriend. Jaehyun was thriving when Johnny told him just that during their late night heart to hearts.

“You’re studying dance, right?” Johnny asked Hansol while the three of them were hiking to some shrine. Jaehyun was walking a little behind the two, fingers crossed and mumbling something about how he hoped his great aunt had retired. Johnny didn’t want to know what that was all about. 

“Yeah,” Nodding, Hansol grinned, always happy to talk about his passion. “After the summer it’ll be my last semester, and then I think I’ll do my masters in Seoul.”

“Oh, that’s nice!” Johnny sheepishly ruffled his hair, a habit he had when he was nervous. “I can like, you know, show you some cool places there if you go?”

“I would love that,” If his heart wasn’t already beating at full speed, it sure was now, and Johnny had to look away from the awfully handsome face so he could calm down. “I’d love it a lot.”

_ Well, fuck calming down. _

Never in his life had Johnny found it so easy to talk to someone as it was to talk to Hansol (except for Jaehyun, but that didn’t count), the conversation flowing smoothly between them, and the silences didn’t feel awkward at all. Johnny thought that maybe,  _ maybe _ this time, he could bring up enough courage to be like all those messages written on love hearts candies. He imagined himself saying  _ be mine?  _ to Hansol and decided it was better to just give him an entire roll than actually vocalize the writings, if he ever got that far.

“Dog!” Hansol excitedly yelled when they reached the shrine, an old, yet elegant, dog hiding in the shade of a tree being the first thing that greeted them. Johnny unconsciously laughed at how absolutely adorable the other was, fawning over the animal and petting it. It warmed up to Hansol instantly, and Johnny walked over to join in on the cuddle fest.

“Can we leave?” Jaehyun piped up after a few minutes of petting, Hansol and Johnny quickly remembering they had a third person with them. The dog realized it, too, and suddenly started to growl and bare it’s teeth. “ _ Please _ .”

“We just—” Johnny was broken off by the dog barking aggressively, Jaehyun crying out in distress, and turning to run back down the direction they came from. “— got here.”

“Is he scared of dogs?” Hansol questioned, sitting down to pet the now calm animal, and Johnny recalled that Jaehyun had been chanting about a great aunt during the entire hike. “That’s sad.”

“It’s, uh,” Johnny saw Jaehyun peeking from behind a tree, and so did the dog, who glared in that direction. “A family thing.”

— 

Their last day in Busan, Jaehyun, with some wondrous swish of magic, had managed to convince Johnny to go clubbing. Of course, he had also texted Hansol to join them, which he gladly said he would.

Jaehyun had picked out Johnny’s outfit (“You have to look fucking bangable”), insisting he should do his makeup, too. Not letting Jaehyun anywhere near his makeup bag, Johnny took care of that himself, and Jaehyun was content with his “creation”. When Hansol picked them up, he seemed content about it, too, considering how he scanned Johnny from head to toe like he was a full course meal.

“ _ Damn _ ,” Hansol whistled, and then smiled that oh so kind and warm smile that had Johnny’s pulse picking up it’s speed. “You look good!”

“Thank you,” Johnny couldn’t contain his grin, and Jaehyun nudged him all too obviously suggestive. Johnny nudged him back when Hansol wasn’t looking, and they gave each other one last glare before trailing after the local. 

They all collectively decided to start the night with bar hopping, as Hansol informed that the club he planned to bring them to wasn’t exactly the cheapest place. Johnny was more than okay with cheap soju, and Jaehyun seemed okay with it too after he started drinking. He had complained about it not being brewed properly and well enough for a god to drink, but Johnny managed to shut him up before Hansol deemed them lightweights and called it a night early.

What Johnny liked the most about the entire thing, though, was how Hansol would put his hand on Johnny’s knee when talking to him. His hand was somehow cold, a cooling touch to Johnny’s heated skin (due to alcohol or how flustered he was when charmed by Hansol, he had no idea) that rested underneath black skinny jeans. 

Jaehyun was being an unhelpful little shit, “accidentally” bumping Johnny into Hansol, and going to the bathroom way more times than what was natural. Hansol picked up on the constant restroom breaks, judging by his furrowed brows, but Johnny didn’t think much of it. His mind, which was a pool of Hansol, was drained when his phone buzzed. He fished it out of his pocket, glaring at the message.

**love guru:** azk if u can suck his d!ck :3c   
**jonathan:** N  
**jonathan:** help me ask him out i am SHY   
**love guru:** ur no fun ><   
**love guru:** ill helpz u if u grind against him on teh floor l8r xD

Acting upon his statement, Jaehyun returned from the bathroom for the ninth time, and knocked back the last of his drink. “Let’s go to the club now!”

“Sure,” Hansol followed the deity’s lead, finishing his glass, and turned to look at Johnny while holding out his hand. “You ready, John?”

“Uh, of course, _yeah_.” The hand was just used to help Johnny stand, but it made his heart flutter nonetheless, and the three bid goodbye to the bartender and went on their way.

The club was a few blocks down from the bar, the bass sounding out on the street, multiple people lined up smoking, talking or making out outside. The trio was sober enough to enter in the bouncer’s eyes, and Johnny and Hansol had a laugh when Jaehyun was asked to show his ID (Johnny was shocked he actually had a legit one, but hid it behind bouts of laughter).

Loud music and a hyped atmosphere greeted them inside, Johnny unconsciously nodding his head along to the vocal deep house. Jaehyun ran like a child up to the bar, Hansol and Johnny trailing after him like concerned parents. A club was a lion’s den, and even if Jaehyun was a god, he could quickly become a piece of meat, and that fact had Johnny concerned.

“I’ll pay for this round.” Hansol got out his card when they caught up to the deity, Jaehyun already having ordered two shots for each of them, eagerly watching on as they got poured into glasses. Johnny had no idea how Jaehyun could look so sober, but act so drunk, but he guessed it was a god-thing.

“Thank you,” Johnny smiled shyly at Hansol, who returned it with a warm grin. Jaehyun quickly stopped Hansol from paying, much to the other's surprise, blocking the terminal with his hand.

“It’s already taken care of!” The deity giggled, pointing at a guy who stood by his side. Hansol’s face lit up in what seemed to be recognition, and he hurriedly went over to pull the stranger into a hug. Johnny frowned, and so did Jaehyun, both looking on at the two talking eachother’s ears off excitedly.

“They look chummy.” Jaehyun muttered, and Johnny shrugged.

“Well, he was too good to be true, I guess.” 

Jaehyun smacked Johnny’s shoulder, “You are getting into his bed tonight and I’ll make sure of it—” 

“Oh, by the way,” Hansol turned back to Johnny and Jaehyun, stars in his eyes. He gestured to the guy he had been talking to, smiling widely. “This is my boyfriend, he just came home from vacation!”

“— nevermind.”

After greetings were exchanged, the four of them moved into a booth for a more comfortable place to talk. A lot of body language and facial expressions were exchanged between Jaehyun and Johnny, conveying multiple things like ‘ _ I told you I had no chance’,  _ ‘ _ maybe we should leave soon’   _ and ‘ _ dude, they’re both so fucking hot _ ’.

What was all pleasant conversation (Jaehyun was pleasant to have around with Hansol now, since he didn’t constantly try and shove Johnny’s mouth around Hansol’s dick) soon spiraled down into a mess, and possibly one or two shots too many was to blame. At least on Hansol’s side.

“So we were wondering,” Hansol started, smiling in a suggestive way towards the duo on the other side of the table. “Are you two up for a foursome?”

Johnny didn’t pay much attention to what happened after that, too tipsy and frozen in shock at the bold request. He just caught Jaehyun shouting over the loud music about how polyromantic relationships were all fine and dandy, but that he and Johnny were painfully monogamous, and then he proceeded to drag his ass out of the club.

After managing to plow their way through the mass of bodies, they reached the freedom of outside. Deciding that they had to get away fast, they ran, following the directions google maps provided them. 

“That went well.” Johnny commented once they stopped for a breather a few blocks and turns away, Jaehyun clenching his fist apprehensively.

“You could’ve had him, if only you went for it more aggressively!”

“Dude, he literally asked for sex with him and his  _ boyfriend _ .” Johnny pointed out, and Jaehyun sighed. “ _ Boyfriend! _ ” 

"Look up at the sky. How many stars do you see?" Jaehyun gestured upwards, Johnny’s eyes following the direction of the other’s finger. The street lights polluted the view of the night sky, not letting anything but the moon be seen. 

"Uhm, there are none."

"That's exactly how much appeal you have."

“Wow, thanks.” Johnny huffed. He was used to the other’s snide remarks by now, but it still stung a little. If Jaehyun thought so lowly of him, there was a chance a lot of other people did too. Hansol was probably aiming to fuck Jaehyun, and not him.

“I mean,” Raising an eyebrow, Johnny turned to Jaehyun, daring him to destroy his confidence even more. “You’re handsome and you have charms,  _ sex appeal _ , but that’s what fucks up your romantic appeal.” Jaehyun sighed, as if he was ready to give up on the case. “You straight up seem like a fuck boy, is what I’m saying.”

“That’s—” Johnny chortled, disbelieving. He blushed a little though, unable to ignore the warmth that filled him by receiving compliments. He hid his uncontrollable smile in his hand, hoping Jaehyun would just read it as him cracking up. “I’m not. Hell, I’m pretty much Virgin Mary, but with a dick.”

Jaehyun chuckled, bumping his shoulder against Johnny’s. “I know. You’re a nice guy.” Johnny held a hand up to his ear, pretending he didn’t hear it. Jaehyun pinched him. “I’ll admit my mistake, clubbing was a bad choice to find a future partner for you, and airbnb isn’t the best tinder, but now that’s crossed off the list.”

“You have a list?” They continued to walk, realizing the apartment not too far away. They thanked the heavens they only had one more night, so they could avoid Hansol who probably would sleep until their train already had departed. They wanted to avoid potentially awkward situations. 

“Yeah, things you can practice, like flirting, and places to take you to help you practice.”Jaehyun had his Pokémon GO open, getting all the pokéstops they wandered past. “I named it ‘Things I Need Johnny To Do’.”

“Care to share what’s on it?” Johnny continued to pry, much to Jaehyun’s amusement, but also embarrassment.

“I told you, things you need to practice.” The deity explained, trying to catch a tentacool.

Johnny didn’t let up, wiggling his eyebrows at the deity. “What kind of things?”

“Well, since you’re so eager,” Jaehyun presented his hand, spreading his fingers slightly. “Hold my hand.”

WIthout any hesitation, Johnny did as told, but he didn’t do it right in Jaehyun’s opinion. After some arguing and knuckles knocking together, the deity finally managed to lace his fingers together with the other’s, as it was the  _ intimate  _ and _ romantic  _ way to hold hands.

It ended up becoming a competition; the one letting go first lost, and would do everything the other said for a day. Convenience store shopping turned out to be not so convenient with the match going on, but both were fucking competitive; they could survive a few odd stares for the sake of winning.

— 

“My mom sent me a college care pack.” Johnny placed a box on the coffee table, which the landlord had graciously accepted for him while he was away, and then forgotten to tell him about it until two weeks after he returned home. Jaehyun’s interest was piqued by the foreign stamps on it. 

“My mom never did that.” Jaehyun informed, frowning in jealousy.

Johnny snorted, “You told me you lived at home all your school life.”

“Still, she could’ve done it out of the pure goodwill of her heart.” Whining, Jaehyun wandered off to the kitchen to get a knife. The tape sealing the box looked thick, so they would probably have to use it. 

Before Jaehyun could start using the knife himself, Johnny stole it out of his hands, childishly wanting to be the one to open the package. He cut along the line nicely, but at the edges he said fuck it; just cutting so the contents inside could get out faster.

The first thing that greeted him were Reese’s cups and honey buns, and he almost cried out in joy. Unboxing the rest was just as exciting; his mom had made a new photoalbum for him (“You were such a cute child, what happened?” “Shut up, Jae.”), and there was also some kool aid and lunchables in there as well. He really hoped they hadn’t gone bad.

“That looks so nasty.” Jaehyun curled his lips in distaste, holding up a make-your-own-pizza set.

“Don’t disrespect the wonderful things that are  _ lunchables _ !”

“These disgustables are disrespecting Italians.” Getting rid of the offending item, Jaehyun exchanged it with a packet of Reese’s, ogling at it while he read what it was.

“The pizza we always order is also disrespect on Italian pizza culture, don’t you know that?” Jaehyun ignored Johnny’s remark, opening the packet in his hand and taking a bite. He stopped mid-chew, realizing there was more paper, and frowned.

“This is too complicated to simply be chocolate.”

Deciding to ignore Jaehyun back, Johnny opened the album again. He smiled as he looked over old pictures, as well as new ones that had been taken while he was away. His family was smiling at him, along with some action shots of his younger cousins (and his uncle (the one who still played FarmVille) grinning proudly by his grill, that was literally on fire). Johnny almost missed them,  _ almost _ , until he remembered they had told him to not show up at the next family gathering without a partner. Maybe it was a good thing that Johnny was filthy poor and probably couldn’t go home until Christmas. He still missed his mom, though.

Gazing up at the clock on his wall (originally just for decorative purposes), Johnny sighed. “I have to go pick Yuta up at the airport now,” Standing up, he grabbed his phone and wallet, making sure his t-money card was in it. “Behave yourself, don’t burn the house down.”

“This isn’t secret life of pets.” Jaehyun huffed, mouth full of peanut butter cups after he finally managed to crack the code on how to eat them. Johnny gave him a pointed stare. “ _ Fine _ , I’ll be a good boy.”

They held a stare down until the door shut in front of Johnny, even though Johnny knew Jaehyun would just spend all the time he was away watching movies, anyways. 

When he got to the airport after around an hour of commuting, Yuta had already gotten his luggage, waiting for Johnny with sunglasses on and a Starbucks in his hand. He looked expensive, kind of like a celebrity, but Johnny knew that was far from the truth. Some girls were taking pictures of the unsuspecting Yuta (Johnny was sure he was aware, though), and Johnny tried to look as cool as possible as he walked up to his friend.

The only reason he really came, was to help Yuta carry his suitcases, and Johnny never learned from his mistakes. Yuta made him take the heaviest one (like always), since he had kept him waiting (“Bullshit, you probably got out of claim just ten minutes ago!” “Time is precious for a prince.”). They were both positively sweaty and gross by the time they reached the subway, both sighing in utter relief when the air-condition in the car actually worked.

Being the nice guy he was, Johnny followed Yuta all the way to his dorm. The sun was hot and burning, and Johnny kept asking Yuta why he decided to live on the top of a fucking hill, which earned him a scolding from an old lady selling vegetables on the street and Yuta’s annoying cackle he called laughter.

Yuta, the asshole, didn’t even bid a proper goodbye or even gave his thanks when they got to his room. He simply shut the door in Johnny’s face, mumbling something about being tired, and Johnny almost kicked the door open again. Instead, he added another line to the ‘number of favors Yuta owe me’ note on his phone.

Due to the intense activities he had just gone through, Johnny was going to go home, shower, and then preferably nap. Of course, the plan was already down the drain as soon as it was made. When he opened the door to his apartment, he was greeted by the sight of a blue haired man holding Jaehyun in a chokehold. Acting on instinct, he pulled the two apart quickly, who let up their squabble rather easily.

“Oh, now I see why you’re sticking around, Jaehyun.” The stranger smirked, inspecting Johnny (who bet he looked anything but attractive at the moment, he felt his fringe sticking to his forehead) in all his messy glory.

“Please,” Jaehyun groaned, smacking the man’s shoulder. “It’s not like that.”

“Like what?” Johnny questioned, because he really had no idea what was going on. The stranger was quick to fill him in, though.

“Jaehyun here just likes to  _ do  _ his job.” Grinning, he held out his hand for a shake, and Jaehyun smacked him again. “I’m Doyoung, a love god.” 

“There’s  _ more  _ of you?” Jaehyun shrugged at Johnny’s inquiry, sitting down by the coffee table where he had made himself a cup of something. Obviously the Doyoung guy had arrived just before Johnny, unless Jaehyun just didn’t do hospitality when guests were over.

“We gotta make things go around somehow,” The deity took a sip of his mug, reaching for the remote to resume the movie that was onscreen. “The more the merrier.”

“Speaking of making things go around,” Doyoung followed Jaehyun’s lead, plopping down onto the floor with a surprising amount of grace. “Donghyuck’s been wrecking havoc, making people fall in love left and right, which is why Taeyong has been fretting so much to you—”

“Is that why he’s been messaging me so much?”

“You haven’t  _ read _ them?” Jaehyun shook his head, and Doyoung held a hand to his chest, pretending to have a heart attack. “Oh man, Taeyong will freak.”

“When doesn’t he, though.” Snorting, Jaehyun took up his phone, opening the mentioned messages. Before Johnny could ask who the people mentioned where, Doyoung beat him to it by explaining straight away.

“Taeyong is our team manager, who keeps track of all our clients and all that razzle dazzle, and Donghyuck is a fresh graduate out of cupid school with his shiny cupid certificate, and he just joined our team.” Johnny nodded, kind of understanding the gist of it all, too worn out to ask for more details. Doyoung took a breath, and then turned to back Jaehyun. “And why haven’t you been checking in on hell pit? There’s been a lot of drama going on.” Jaehyun just shrugged, again, at yet another inquiry, and Doyoung whined at the neglect of camaraderie.

Johnny raised an eyebrow, “ _ Hell pit _ _?_ ”

“It’s ironic, it’s our group chat name.” Doyoung clarified gleefully, and Jaehyun nodded with an equally gleeful expression on his face. 

“Dude, it’s not, you’re all fucking demons. At least you two.” The gods frowned at the jab, about to complain, but Johnny shut them up before they could. “I’m gonna shower, don’t use the sink for a while.”

Johnny really shouldn’t have said that, but he knew he only had himself to blame when the water turned freezing mid-shower. He let out quite the squeal, and he could hear manic cackling through the wall. He was right, both of them really were demons. Whichever god had turned on the sink was kind enough to turn it off, so he could enjoy the rest of his shower peacefully.

While getting dressed, he heard some odd noises, but decided it was probably just Doyoung and Jaehyun fighting over the remote or something. He turned out to be wrong.

“Why are you fucking up my lunchables!?! Johnny accused, a little too loudly, when he exited the bathroom. It caused Jaehyun to jump, hands squeezing the packet in his hand on reflex, pizza sauce landing all over his face and chest. 

The deity froze, while Johnny guffawed, “I always wanted to see you get a facial, but this wasn’t quite what I imagined.”

“What do you mean?!” Jaehyun yelled once he recovered from the shock, furiously covering his blushing cheeks with his hands, only to spread out more sauce around his face. “Do you have some disgusting wet fantasies about me?”

Johnny shrugged, “Well, not gonna lie,” He got some tissues and squatted down next to Jaehyun, helping him get rid of the spill. “You’re kinda hot.”

“ _ Kinda  _ hot my ass, I’m out of this world.” (“Sorry sweetheart, you’re stuck in this world until you die.” Doyoung piped up) Jaehyun stole some of the tissues out of Johnny’s hands, starting to wipe off the sauce on his shirt. He didn’t complain while Johnny worked on his face, and let him finish his task, much to Johnny’s amusement. Still blushing, Jaehyun looked down at his sauce-less pizza, seemingly embarrassed. “It’s ruined.”

“Your shirt? I can probably fix that—”

“My  _ pizza _ .” The deity pouted, placing the toppings on it even if he wouldn’t eat it. What was pizza without sauce? “I really wanted some.”

“If I order and pay for a pizza, you’ll sleep on the floor tonight since you ruined my lunchable, and we all will be happy!” Johnny suggested.

Before Jaehyun could reply, Doyoung looked away from his phone with a dangerous expression. 

“You better not turn down that offer, I’m hungry.”

— 

Jaehyun ended up accepting the offer, and in turn, it meant that he had to sleep on the futon Johnny most likely had achieved back problems from sleeping on. It wasn’t easy to actually get the deity to go to bed, but he surrendered after a while. Dealing with Doyoung must be tiresome.

Only a few beats away from slumber taking over his carcass, something nudged Johnny’s leg, Jaehyun’s voice destroying the peace that had settled over the room.

“Johnny.”

He ignored the call, pretending he was already far away in dreamland. It didn’t work, because Jaehyun’s pestering only grew more intense, the deity shaking Johnny’s leg as hard as he could.

“ _ Johnny _ .”

Sitting up, he shot Jaehyun a glare. “What?”

Jaehyun was also sitting, face neutral, and then he stood up. Johnny was promptly shoved against the wall, Jaehyun laying down at the newly freed space at the edge of the mattress, settling in.

“The futon is uncomfortable.” Jaehyun murmured, burying his head further into the pillow, voice coming out muffled. “I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“I feel your pain, I’ve been sleeping there for a while now.” Johnny replied, but didn’t chase the god away from his bed. It wasn’t the smallest bed, nor the biggest, but they fit just right. Jaehyun was warm, carefully shifting closer to Johnny, who was grateful he had put his fan close to his bed. The heat emitting from Jaehyun could possibly kill him if it wasn’t there, but that was just a small thought in the far depths of his mind in the current situation. 

Unable to look away from the wistful expression on the deity’s face, Johnny frowned. “What’s the matter?”

Jaehyun didn’t say anything, just moved around a little before coming to a standstill, eyes staring straight ahead without really focusing on anything. They both remained mum for a few moments, breaths evening out, but not matching.

“I felt uncomfortable.” The god finally spoke, his hand coming up to rest close to Johnny’s face, like it’s real intention had been to touch. Johnny didn’t want to read into it. “I  _ feel _ uncomfortable.”

“Do I make you uncomfortable?” Without missing a beat, Johnny let the question leave his mouth, watching Jaehyun’s eyebrows furrow. He parted his lips, but instead of words, a sigh came out. Jaehyun closed his mouth again, humming a dull note, and then closed his eyes.

“No, I like you.”

“That’s good, since I’m still very single, and still very much your job.” Johnny snorted a little at his own joke, but Jaehyun didn’t seem too amused. He usually would show some positive reaction to Johnny’s awful humor, but perhaps he was more tired than Johnny thought.

“Yeah,  _ that _ .”

They fell into a silence, and Johnny wasn’t sure if he was the only one who felt the slight awkwardness. It didn’t matter though, as Jaehyun spoke again, yet not meeting Johnny’s eyes.

“I have another thing you can practice.”

Johnny perked up, hoping it would help cheer up the sullen deity.  “And what’s that?”

Jaehyun bit his lip, still not looking at the other, “Cuddle me.”

Taken aback, Johnny didn’t reply. He just took in the red tips of Jaehyun’s ears, how vulnerable the god looked right now, and he realized he could never deny that request.

“C’mere.”

Johnny held his arms open, and Jaehyun acted without any hesitation, snuggling into the other’s chest. Their legs tangled together, but it made it easier to share the bed, even if Johnny was close to overheating.

It didn’t take long for Jaehyun to doze off, Johnny gently carding his fingers through his hair working as a hyper effective lullaby. Johnny followed soon after, the steady heartbeat of the other lulling him into his own slumber.

They didn’t speak of it the following morning, didn’t mention it for the entire day, but as night came around again, they found themselves together on Johnny’s bed.

—

“Help me.” Johnny begged when he reached the counter, Yuta popping a bubble with the gum in his mouth. Jaehyun had invited Johnny out for lunch to the place Yuta was working at, completely neglecting to mention it was a  _ work _ meeting with both Doyoung and Taeyong present.  _ And _ Donghyuck. “ _ Please _ .”

Another bubble, “Now,” Some more chewing, and Johnny was positively annoyed. “Why would I risk attaining cardiac arrest, by spending my lunch break at a table filled with good looking men? You’re not part of the lineup, of course.” 

“Wow, thanks.” Huffing, Johnny turned around, just in time to catch someone walk into the door. He did a quick step back, actually opening it this time, before walking into the shop. The guy was making his way up to the counter (Yuta grabbed Johnny’s arm, “It’s  _ him _ , it’s the dude leaving tips!”), but halted as someone screamed, presumably, his name.

“Sicheng!”

It was Jaehyun, and Johnny’s earlier suspicions about who bought him his first class ticket was confirmed. The Sicheng guy waved excitedly at the others present at the table, almost knocking someone over while running towards it. The four deities fell into chatter immediately, and Johnny could literally  _ feel  _ Yuta souring behind him.

“What a coincidence,” Johnny whistled, smugly looking back at his sulking friend. “Your god knows mine, you wanna come and keep me company?”

“No way. No fucking way.” The barista shook his head, eyes wide in what seemed to be horror. “I’ll just make a fool out of myself, and I really don’t want to be compared to you.”

“You’re being extra mean today—”

“Take your americanos and go, I need to mentally prepare myself until  _ he _ walks up to the counter.” 

With a pout, Johnny did as told, wandering over to the God Club with his and Jaehyun’s orders. No one really realized that he had returned, but he didn’t mind, just simply sitting down and taking a sip of his beverage. Sicheng also seemed to know more Korean than he let on, poor Yuta.

“Now, the Mark Lee case,” Taeyong cleared his throat after they were done catching up (and Jaehyun was done complaining about Johnny taking too much time getting his drink, even if he had sat by them for a good five minutes already), taking another document from his stack. The love god business was more serious than Johnny had previously thought. “Poor boy has fallen in love five times already!”

Doyoung snorted, “Yeah Donghyuck,” He poked the cupid with a spoon, who glared in return. “Who have you been trying to make him fall in love with, hmm?”

“Oh, _ juicy _ .” Sicheng held a hand up to his mouth, hiding his grin, and Donghyuck’s glare deepened in parallel with the blush deepening on his cheeks. 

“I was trying to get other people, he was just coincidentally in the way!” The cupid defended, slowly shrinking away from Taeyong’s ominous gaze. “I mean, everyone loves him anyways, it hasn’t brought him any troubles.”

“I have three of those people on the register.” Taeyong pointed out, holding up three fingers for emphasis. “ _ Three! _ ”

“And they all wanna date Mark Lee, I don’t wanna deal with that.” Jaehyun hummed, leaning his head on Johnny’s shoulder (Johnny was only lowkey freaking out). “They’re all yours, Doyoung.”

“Yeah you just finished that girl group case, so you’ll be assigned to this.” Taeyong noted down the decision, even if Doyoung protested.

“Why can’t I get my own shrine instead?” Seeing Doyoung and Jaehyun quarrel was much like seeing two kids going off, which was endearing in an odd sort of way. Especially when Doyoung shook his shoulders. “At least I get all my request done efficiently, compared to a certain shrine deity.”

Jaehyun whined, crossing his arms. “I am  _ good _ at my job!” 

“Then why is Johnny still single? This is bringing down your efficiency rate.” At the jab from Taeyong, Jaehyun shut up, immediately turning to Johnny with determination. Johnny gulped.

“Why don’t you go ask…” Jaehyun scanned the area, eyes landing on a figure by the register. “ _ That  _ guy out! His body language tells me he’s single, so go try.”

"Nope, there's his girlfriend." Doyoung snickered, pointing to the guy next to the lovey dove couple. "That guy is single."

“ _ Fine _ .” Johnny huffed, but still got up from the table. He felt his hands shaking slightly, but couldn’t just wait for anything to happen, he had to  _ make  _ things happen. He also didn’t want to be the reason behind Jaehyun getting fired.

“I can shoot him with an arrow—” 

“Donghyuck,  _ don’t _ .” At Taeyong’s order, the cupid held his hands up in defense, promising he wouldn’t mess up something Jaehyun would mess up anyways. Johnny didn’t notice Jaehyun’s red cheeks from the remark, and went up to the counter.

The guy Doyoung had pointed out seemed to be waiting for his drink, scrolling on his phone, attention not focused on his surroundings. Johnny was unsure on exactly how he should approach him, and what he should say. With Hansol, he had actually prepared a dialogue, so it wouldn’t hurt recycling some parts of it. Like the  _ ‘Hey, wanna go out, like on a date?’  _ part would possibly work. Hopefully.

Johnny took a breath, “Excuse me —”  

“Iced mocha for Taeil!”

“—Taeil, right?”

“Oh, that was smooth.” The guy, who presumably went by Taeil, giggled. Johnny wondered if Donghyuck had hit him with an arrow, because Taeil’s smile did not fail at making his heart flutter. “And you are—”

Yuta, seemingly dreading his entire existence, clawed onto Johnny’s arm over the counter. “Johnny, is my god still not going to order something?”

“— Johnny, right?”

“Yes,” Johnny tried to look suave, dislodging his arm from Yuta’s grasp so he could hold out his hand for a shake. “I’m Johnny.”

Taeil accepted the greeting gleefully, “So, may I ask why you decided to approach me?” The whole thing was going way better than Johnny had expected, but he wasn’t complaining. Taeil didn’t look apprehensive or weirded out, which were good signs. “I saw your friend pointing to me, but, I’m guessing you’re not here on his behalf?”

“Would you like it if I was?” Biting his lip, Johnny worried if it possibly was going to go down the drain, suddenly.

Shaking his head, Taeil smiled again, “No, not really.” He played with his phone, even though the screen was black. “I’m kind of hoping you’re here on your own agenda, because that would be nice.”

“I, uh, yes,”  _ Don’t stutter. Don’t mess up. You got this. _ “It would be nice, if you uh, would like to get to know each other?”

(Johnny’s phone buzzed, and he gazed at his screen to see a message from Jaehyun reading “THAT’S NOT ASKING SOMEONE OUT, JONAS”.)

“Well, we both coincidentally have our phones in our hands.” Taeil pointed out, unlocking his own, and Johnny noticed that he fearlessly did not have a passcode. “We could just casually exchange numbers, if you’d like?”

“Of course, if you’d like to—”

“Oh, c’mon!” Yuta, who Johnny had completely forgotten, took Taeil’s phone out of his hands, tapped furiously on the screen with his thumbs, and then gave it back. “There you go, saved him as Johnny because I decided to be nice. You have to text him first though, he’s shy.”

Taeil laughed, “Thank you, Yuta.” The barista crossed his arms, proud of his work. He froze at Taeil’s following words, though. “You still need to finish your Korean paper for the tutoring before the semester starts, or I’ll invalidate all our sessions and you’ll have to do it over again.”

“ _ Dude _ .” Johnny exclaimed, awed, because apparently Taeil was  _ powerful _ . And, why hadn’t Yuta introduced them before? “Go out with me?”

Taeil blinked, and Johnny realized what he said a moment too late. “Sure.”

“I’m sorry, I— what?” 

“I’ll go out with you.” Taeil grinned, as bright as the fucking sun, and Johnny was blinded. “I’ll text you, and we’ll figure something out!”

Johnny nodded, dumbfounded. “Yeah.”

Taeil waved goodbye, heading out of the café to reach whatever appointment he muttered under his breath about. Johnny was still zoned out, not quite able to wrap his mind around exactly  _ what  _ just happened, and ignored Yuta and promptly went back to the God Club table.

“Holy shit,” Jaehyun broke him out of his reverie, meeting Johnny’s wide eyes with equally wide ones. “You did it.”

“Hopefully I’ll see you back in the office soon, then.” Sighing in relief, Taeyong leaned back in his chair, stuffing his mouth with cheesecake. Jaehyun huffed at the prospect of going back to work, even if he technically was working on Johnny’s love life (Johnny digressed, the deity seemed to be taking a long vacation in his _apartment_ , of all places) burying his head in his arms on the table. 

Donghyuck was nowhere to be seen, and Doyoung and Sicheng was watching something on a tablet. When Johnny sat down, he got a peek of the screen, furrowing his eyebrows when he saw someone who looked exactly like Doyoung doing a make-up tutorial.

“Is that you?” Doyoung hummed. “How come Jaehyun don’t know shit about things like how it’s made, tv shows and such, but you have your own YouTube channel?”

Doyoung looked away from his own video momentarily to gaze at Jaehyun, who was folding origami with napkins. “He’s just really eccentric, it’s a family thing.”

“And you all babied me when I first came to Korea, when Jaehyun needs more guiding than I.” Sicheng snorted, not interested in Doyoung discussing lipstick anymore. “I’m highly educated on k-dramas, I can get my way around with my Korean—”

The sound of a cutlery falling to the floor made everyone whip their heads towards the source, which was Yuta who was cleaning the table next to theirs, staring at a certain god of fortune with his mouth agape.

Sicheng smiled, “...one coffee, please?”

—

Going on an actual date was nothing like Johnny expected.

It possibly had something to do with how easy-going Taeil was, making it feel more like a friendly, comfortable hang-out than anything else. Also the fact that Jaehyun was following them, which was seemingly unbeknownst to Taeil, but Johnny was painfully aware. The fake moustache and sunglasses really did nothing to make the deity less suspicious.

After chaperoning the two through an arcade (Taeil was a wizard at games, and Johnny learned he had casually joined Overwatch tournaments and ranked pretty high), Jaehyun finally left a text saying he was heading home (“ u guyz r b0ring ><”), much to Johnny’s relief. Taeil suggested they should get something refreshing, and possibly some food, both worn out after going off on the DDR machine. 

Johnny agreed, so they ended up in a chicken joint, sharing a basket of popcorn chicken and one soda each. Taeil laughed at Johnny’s lame jokes, and Johnny laughed at Taeil’s age old jokes. It was going smoothly, too smoothly, and Johnny should’ve known Jaehyun’s mission wasn’t over just yet.

**actual god:** did u guyz go eat   
**johnny bravo:** yeah we eating now   
**actual god:** g00d xD   
**actual god** : it iz time 4 footflirtin!   
**johnny bravo:** jaehyun   
**johnny bravo:** no   
**actual god:** yeaz >:3   
**actual god:** n0w kick hiz shin under teh table owo

Sighing, Johnny put away his phone. He looked up, and Taeil was playing with two chicken pieces, making some weird sounds. Playing footsie was so awfully cliché, but Taeil was accepting of a lot of things, so it wouldn’t hurt trying.

Johnny carefully moved his leg, trying to find Taeil’s under the table. He was close when Taeil suddenly called his name, causing Johnny to accidentally  _ kick _ his shin. Johnny blamed Jaehyun, unable to look away from Taeil’s surprised expression. Until he was kicked back, of course.

“Is this how you kids do it these days?” He questioned, giving Johnny another kick, who yelped. “Dating really is getting more complicated.”

Johnny chortled, because he had to admit, that was possibly the best reaction he could expect out of his fuck up. When Jaehyun shot an inquiry about how it went, Johnny sent a positive response, which seemingly shut Jaehyun up. Johnny could handle this himself. 

“You’re on your last year, right?” Starting right back up on casual conversation was natural, even with the previous short-lived squabble.

“Yup, just one more semester.” Taeil was back to playing with the chicken, but he was still attentive, replying to and participating. “Don’t know what I’m gonna do afterwards, maybe just work around a little and travel. I’ve always wanted to see more of what the world has to offer.”

“Me too,” Johnny grinned, noticing the similarities they had just popping up left and right as they went. “A degree in International Studies is cool I guess, but I think I need some time before I take on the real adult world.”

“Oh, definitely.” Their legs were still touching under the table, a nice detail. “The adult world seems scary.”

“And us, two adults, are scared of it.” They both giggled, and the nice atmosphere was,  _ again _ , ruined by Jaehyun.

**actual god:** im not hearin anythin >:(   
**actual god:** but no newz s g00d newz   
**actual god:** say rawr   
**actual god:** it meanz i luv u in dinosaur >//w//<

Jaehyun’s ridiculousness knew no limits, and Johnny unconsciously let out a little ‘rawr’ as he read the messages.

“Rawr?” Taeil perked up at  _ that _ of all things, which made Johnny question Taeil’s ridiculousness limit as well. “You like making animal sounds?”

“Well, uh.” Johnny didn’t know what to say, because all he  _ was  _ meant to say, was ‘I love you’ in dinosaur. “I can do a parrot impression, kind of.”

“My friends call me a zoo!” Taeil excitedly shared, preparing himself to showcase exactly what that meant. “Listen to this mean owl impression!”

And Johnny could see exactly  _ why  _ his friends called him a zoo, as Taeil skimmed through all possible zoo animals, making sounds that supposedly was the sound they made. He finally got the answer to the question he had been wondering about since 2013, though: what does the fox  _ actually _ say?

Taeil seemed the proudest of that noise, despite the odd looks the other customers gave them.

Jaehyun kept sending ideas, tips and tricks for Johnny, like spilling something on Taeil so he could show his gentleman side and help him clean up. In the end, he actually did tip his drink and it spilled all over Taeil’s shirt (which was an  _ accident _ ). By some miraculous stroke of luck, Taeil had brought along a spare shirt (Jaehyun wouldn’t be happy about the fact that Johnny didn’t hand over his hoodie, but what the god didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him), which was originally in case they went swimming with their clothes on. Whatever Taeil had planned for their date, Johnny obviously hadn’t been on the same page.

A few more mishaps struck the two of them, but they remained cheerful and tolerant despite awkward situations and apologies. Johnny was thoroughly enjoying Taeil’s company, and he hoped the sentiment was shared. 

Johnny really could see it, him walking home with someone everyday, getting to know each other, and just learning and accepting quirks and differences. Taeil might not be his future, but Johnny was sure this was a start, even as their date came to an end and it was time to go home.

“Sometimes, searching for love can be fruitless,” Taeil mused, his arms swaying by his sides in tandem as he walked. “Every now and then, it just comes to you, you know?”

Johnny chuckled, “I wouldn’t know.” Taeil gasped, very dramatic, and Johnny smiled. “I’ve been painfully single most of my life, it’s kinda sad.”

“You were really good at being smooth when you asked me out.” Squinting, the brunet held up his fingers, as if assessing Johnny through a monitor. “And honestly, you don’t seem like the type.”

“So I’ve heard.” Johnny shrugged, because he had quite a few times from the old lady at his go-to convenience store. They touched the topic a little more, Taeil even revealing a spot he had in the university newspaper his sophomore year (he counselled people about love, and even offered Johnny his service), and shared more of his dates and relationships from the past. Taeil had a bunch of experience, and Johnny suddenly felt shy at how horrible this date must’ve been compared to some of his previous ones.

“I did have a great time with you,” Taeil started once they had reached his apartment building, not too far away from Johnny’s own. “But I think there’s someone else.”

“Oh, I’m sorry for asking you out if there already was someone…” Apologetic, Johnny bowed his head, offering a sheepish smile. He wasn’t hurt, exactly, because Taeil was someone he could keep as a friend. He might be carrying a crush, but they just got to know each other and— 

Taeil shook his head, “No, not for me.” He smiled, too, but as if he knew something top secret that could potentially ruin someone’s life. “You have someone, don’t you?”

Johnny felt the hinges of his jaw loosen, because  _ what the fuck?  _ In what alternative universe did that happen? He wasn’t sure how to reply, and Taeil could somehow read that off his face. 

“I know you’ve been messaging someone all night, obviously for trying to get tips and stuff, but to me it seemed like they didn’t want you to get into my pants.” He explained, laughing into his hand, and Johnny felt his cheeks flare up. “And I think you did all the ridiculous things they asked you to, because you didn’t want this to work as well.”

“Don’t tell me—” Johnny took a step back, lowkey freaked out about the things that came out of the other’s mouth. “— you’re a god, too?”

“Oh, that’s a new one!” Taeil clapped his hands excitedly, jumping a little in the spot. “That would be a stretch, but I’m pretty observant.”

Dumbfounded, but struck by some sort of realization, all Johnny could do was bow his head again. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Reassuring the kind of stressed out guy who was currently having mental breakdown on his front step, Taeil went ahead and patted his back comfortingly. “Now, why don’t you go settle the thing that needs to be settled with the dude who was trying to make you settle with me and make us a thing through your handheld cellular thing?”

“I—” Johnny furrowed his eyebrows, because that was a very  _ interesting _ sentence, but Johnny found it charming all the same. “Yeah, okay, fuck I’m gonna be turned down so hard.”

“You’ll do fine!” Taeil encouraged, giving Johnny one last wave before he entered the building. “One time’s always gotta be the first, be it love or heartbreak.”

(Johnny, in his Stressed Out State Of Mind, did not notice Taeil texting a certain love god named Doyoung about some plan being carried out flawlessly.)

Once Taeil disappeared, Johnny got some time to mull over his words on the way to his own home. Jaehyun, who was the person Taeil was most likely talking about, had become a constant in Johnny’s life. They were different, yes, but they did fit together like two peas in a pod, like two pieces of a puzzle, and Johnny was realizing there might be some truth to Taeil's claims.

The walk home was way too short to consider his options, and he whimpered when he was already in front of his apartment. Putting on a serious face, as serious times called for serious measures, Johnny punched in the passcode on his door. Jaehyun was a force one shouldn’t reckon with, unless one had the proper skillset for it. Johnny had learned how to make the god talk.

“How did it go?” Jaehyun sang, all too cheerfully, once Johnny entered the apartment. 

“Considering how you set me up to seem like an absolute fool,” He shrugged off his jacket, wandering over to sit by the deity on the floor in front of the TV. “How do you think it went?”

“Ah, I’m so sorry.” Jaehyun muttered, patting the other’s back comfortingly, eyes never leaving the cartoon he was watching.

Johnny stared at him, “Are you really?”

Stopping his movements, Jaehyun retreated his arm carefully, as if faced with a rabid bear ready to jump at any and all miniscule movements. “What do you mean—  of course I am!”

Johnny turned his body around, looking at Jaehyun, who held his stance. 

“I might be clueless at times, but didn’t you think I would notice?” Prying for answers, Johnny continued, the deity just looking at him in confusion. “You’ve been actively ruining my dates, and encounters with possible ones. Isn’t it your job to help me?”

“Yes, yes of course it is!” Taken aback, Jaehyun replied immediately. “I’m really trying here, to find the  _ best _ one for you, and not everyone ends up being that—”

“How can you be so sure that Taeil wasn’t the one? Remember that guy we met after we came home from Busan, too? Ten, what about him?” Johnny interrupted, not letting up his frown. Jaehyun swallowed thickly instead of countering the claim. 

“I’m tired of pretending that I understand your intentions, and I’m tired of wondering if I’m reading between lines there’s nothing to read between right now.” Sighing, Johnny held up a hand, signalizing that whatever Jaehyun was conjuring up in his head to say, he could spare it. If the deity managed to get his two cents in, Johnny’s plan might not work. He wanted the truth. “If you’re gonna help me, then, by  _ God _ , help me!”

Only a few seconds passed before Jaehyun grabbed Johnny’s collar with both of his hands, pulling him close, staring with determination into Johnny’s wide eyes. Remaining frozen in shock, Johnny could do nothing but wait for Jaehyun’s next move. None of them even blinked, almost as if the two of them stood still while the world were in motion around them. A commercial about fried chicken was the only thing breaching the silence, and Johnny felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest if Jaehyun didn’t do or say anything soon. He did, but Johnny didn’t expect it.

He was pulled forward, so he shut his eyes and prepared for the impact of their foreheads. Instead, Jaehyun kissed him. The deity kissed him, and all Johnny could do was sit still like an idiot and let it happen, because he wanted it to. It was over just like it started; quick, no sparks, no heavy breaths or feelings of euphoria. It was a kiss, yes, and it was long overdue, which they both seemed to agree on. Taeil hadn’t been too far off with his assumptions. 

“Was that on the list of things I need to practice?” Johnny asked after a few beats of silence, not quite able to wrap his mind around what had just happened. The entire night had been quite the show from start to finish.

Jaehyun nodded, “Yes,” He smiled shyly, and Johnny was left questioning whether the blush on the deity’s cheeks was just due to his currently rampant imagination or not. “I did rename the list, though.” 

“Huh.” Daring, Johnny leaned closer, dwelling in the sound of Jaehyun’s sharp intake of air. “Care to share what this new name is?”

“It’s now called ‘Things I Need Johnny To Do With Me’.” They both chuckled, because that sounded so cheesy, but they both liked it a little too much.

“I don’t think we can cross of a kiss just yet,” Johnny’s hand came up to caress Jaehyun’s cheek, carefully, letting his knuckle graze against the dimple that had seemed to become a permanent thing on other’s cheek at the moment. “That was just a practice run.”

“What do you suggest we do, then?” Jaehyun raised an eyebrow, challenging, pretending like he didn’t know the answer.

Johnny smiled softly, voice coming out a mere whisper, “We do it again.”

And they did, over and over, until they got the feeling of each other. Johnny realized just how much bullshit all those novels he had read spewed, where someone’s kisses tasted like lemondrops, autumn and fallen leaves, or something like iced tea on the porch while stargazing, when Jaehyun’s just tasted like garlic butter. He guessed he himself tasted like coffee, and stale coffee tasted anything but good unless one was hardcore as fuck (like Johnny’s grandmother).

They had managed to move themselves up from the floor and onto the bed, miraculously not bumping against anything. Jaehyun kissed like morning dew against a window, and Johnny had a new realization that maybe those romance novels weren’t completely wrong with their similes and metaphors after all.

When Johnny had finally mustered up enough courage to slip his hand under Jaehyun’s shirt, Caramelldansen suddenly blasted through the room, effectively ruining the mood. Jaehyun groaned, fishing around for his phone, and finding it on the floor. It was a struggle to reach it, their bodies being a tangled mess heaped onto the bed, but he managed.

“What do you want?” Jaehyun grumbled after putting the phone on speaker, mouthing a ‘Taeyong’ to Johnny.

“ _ Good evening to you, too. _ ” Taeyong quipped, the sound of paper being rustled being heard through the device. The manager cleared his throat, shooting Johnny a greeting (“How does he know I’m with you?” “He got a seventh sense or something.” (They later found out Doyoung was behind it all)) before directing his speech at Jaehyun. “ _ Now that you helped your client find love, get your damned ass back to work! Johnny Suh has been crossed off the list. _ ”

Jaehyun let out an odd noise, offended. “Excuse me, I’m a deity, and I’m  _ holy _ .” He sighed, leaning his head against Johnny’s shoulder (Johnny knows why he had been lowkey freaking out the last time he did that now). “Do I really have to go to work?”

“ _Someone doesn’t want that raise, hmm?_ ” Taeyong sang, voice filled with mirth. “ _Would be a shame if Doyoung—”_ That sobered Jaehyun up, who sat up immediately, clutching onto his phone and doing a salute Taeyong wouldn’t even see. 

“I’ll be at the office eight am sharp, sir.”

Taeyong ended the call with a cheerful ‘ _ Great! _ ’, and Jaehyun fell back onto the bed with a huff (hitting Johnny in the process, who whined pitifully).

“So…” Jaehyun started, turning around to lay on Johnny’s chest. “Where were we?”

Laughing at the horrible line, Johnny leaned up, pecking Jaehyun’s forehead, who turned yet another pretty shade of pink. “Cuddling?”

“Definitely.”

—

The air had started to become cooler, but the sun was still pretty warm; Johnny regretted bringing a jacket along for his hike. Once he reached the shrine, he was alright with it, because a strong breeze made the trees dance and bit the tip of his ears.

“You’re such a sap.” Yuta commented as Johnny took a picture of his and Jaehyun’s lovelock, which he would never forget the location of. Jaehyun had complained about how horribly cliché it had been the entire time (hence the dick drawing on the lock, to make it “more fun”), and Johnny agreed, but it still made his heart flutter to even just think about it. “I wish you were still single.”

“Single and pining like you’re pining after Sicheng?” Johnny snorted in retaliation, standing up from the rail where the dollar store lock with ugly handwriting hung. “No thanks.”

Yuta squeaked, “Fuck you!” 

“That’s Jaehyun exclusive.” Wiggling his eyebrows, Johnny turned away from a fake-gagging Yuta to walk to the pavilion. He hung up a note on a branch that was pretty far up, which had become the branch he used every time to leave a message for Jaehyun. The deity would always bring the notes with him back home, either laughing or glaring, depending on what was written on them.

Jaehyun had been rather cheerful all morning, so Johnny had decided to test his luck by being a little daring this time around. He folded the note nicely, the perfect way to tie it around the small width of the twig. Stepping back, he admired his work, while Yuta came up to judge him.

“What kinda horrible poem or pick-up line did you write this time?”

“Just asked him to get you some fortune, if you know what I mean.”

“Our friendship ends  _ here _ .”

“I was just kidding, a harmless joke.” Johnny snickered, slinging his arm around Yuta’s shoulder. “But for real, did you ask for Sicheng’s number yet? It’s been  _ months _ .”

Yuta, clenching his fist, looked ready to punch Johnny for yet another harmless joke.  “I’m getting there.”

— 

_ Dear Love God, _

_ I heard that you’ve been talking a lot recently (especially to Doyoung about me and my “assets”, not appreciated), so why don’t you put that mouth to better use? _

_ Sincerely yours, Johnny Suh _

(“You literally went up to my shrine  _ just _ to have me suck your dick?” Jaehyun asked later that night, reading the note Johnny had left at his shrine while they sat by the coffee table to eat dinner.

“Well, did it work?” Johnny questioned, a smirk playing on his lips. Jaehyun hid his face in his hands while a blush spread over his cheeks, snorting at his boyfriend’s ridiculousness. The deity calmed down after a few moments, stradling Johnny in a surprisingly bold move, now sporting a smirk of his own.

“Hell yeah.”)

 

**Author's Note:**

> the prompter asked to try and make jaehyun fall in love first, and it's not stated directly, but I hope the hints were picked up on djfdjffk
> 
> thank you if you made it this far, and thank you so much to the enrara mods who have made this fic fest happen! even with deadlines being a pain, it's been fun, and a great thing to work on this summer (among my other wips oops)


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